On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
