As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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