I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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