well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize