she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
