a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
