fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she peed on how many people?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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