I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
