The maid of honor just puked.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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