Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
