I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
