Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
