If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
