drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
