1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
