He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
