god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Drake has all the answers
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
