what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
