Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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