Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
