is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
