sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
