we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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