so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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