I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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