I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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