my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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