She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
