And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
