um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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