U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
