Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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