So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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