it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
