Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
