I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
