hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
