so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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