In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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