Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
