Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
