WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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