My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize