Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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