I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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