theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
