It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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