My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
