Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
