I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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