I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
