Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's never too late to be topless.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize