i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I would fuck him just for his dog
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
