I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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