when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
