And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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