If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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