Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I checked into jail on foursquare
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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