just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
