Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
