I wanna bring you to show and tell
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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