I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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