her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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