My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They took my balls.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
