This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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