he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize