is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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