I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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