it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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