went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
