It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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